-Aspirations-

Someone asked me what I can talk about myself today. I wasn't pretty sure of what to say if such an essay question pops out in front of me. Most definately I'll freak out and stare at the paper for the next 2 hours before handing in a blank paper with the words " I don't know ". Well, after having given so much thought into it, I've finally decide to write something about my ambitions previously and maybe now. :)

Long long ago..... In the southern.... Oops.....

Anyway, when I was pretty young, maybe during my primary school years, I used to have many many ambitions. Want to be this lah, want to be that lah. You know... Kids that time have such creative minds, and nothing seemed to be impossible for them. One particular ambition I could remember was I wanted to be a lawyer, because my mother used to say I'll argue my way through everytime she scolds me. I thought it would have been a good idea being a lawyer and all, you know, just earning big bucks just by using your mouth and arguing your way through. However, reality always kicks in sooner or later judging from the results of my english ( frankly speaking, I failed my english examinations when I was in primary 1 ). A lawyer didn't seem to be my way of life anymore, it suddenly seemed like a far stretched dream that can never be fulfilled. Other ambition was to become a police officer like my father, but I didn't pick up much interest for that except during secondary school when I actually took my the CCA of NPCC ( National Police Cadet Corps ). Anyway, it's a CCA I didn't regret taking because of all the fond and un-fond memories. LOL.

One particular turning point in my life was when I was in primary 5. Still as playful then, I got into alot of trouble, got caning from the principal for forging parent's signature, didn't do my homework.. blah blah blah... (all the bad things lah). My life then was like someone always on the edge of the cliff. That was when my mum got me a really good tuition teacher who was really patient with me and taught me how to study for mathematics and science. I topped my class for that year plus got the BEST science award for the entire primary 5 level. That was the time when I was floating in the sky, touching the stars. Funny how I got from living hell to heaven so quickly ya? Anyway, that was the time I though I had some potential in studying scientific facts and hence aspire to be a scientist.

Secondary school was tough for any teenager.. You know, the pimples, the hormones rushing in the body, the not adult nor kid time frame? Everything seems quite confusing, and nobody ever really cared about the future or discussed it in detail. So I guess, ambition wasn't really a hot topic then. I got into a triple science class in upper secondary school and thought maybe I could become a doctor of some kind to help the people, plus I can earn big bucks too! Actually, what I really thought of becoming that time was being a psychologist. I thought maybe if I was a 心理医生, I could be able to read people minds and understand them better, I could predict what their actions going to be etc..... But now that I think back again, I feel that life should be as unpredictable as it is, if not, there won't be any fun in it will it? LOL

Graduated from secondary school with 'O' levels but still undecided what I wanted to be, I thought the best choice would be to enter a JC(Junior College). I tried to take up triple science A level subjects again, but eventually dropped physics either due to poor mentorship or I just simply can't understand the dynamics behind it. By the way, I was actually the physics REP (representative) of the class then. I would take JC as my second high point of my life, I joined CCS(Chinese Cultural Society) and acted in a drama as one of the leading actors, play guitar for the guitar club in SYF(Singapore Youth Festival), performed in a eplipsy centre during christmas(guitar), performed during teacher's day (guitar) and performed for a farewell for the vice-principal(guitar). Yup, so that was the time I figured out that I can't become a doctor, an actor but maybe a rock star. LOL~. I wasn't really made out to be an actor then, actually the reason I joined was I just wanted a SMALL character role in the drama for experience but somehow I just got dragged into becoming one of the lead actors due to the lack of actors that time. Maybe I didn't practise enough, maybe I can't stand criticism then, but I just feel that acting wasn't inside me. But overall speaking it was really a worthwhile experience. Anyway, back to the performing part, I was simply exasparated (dunnoe how to spell) on the stage in front of the crowd, it was a really different feeling from acting on stage, you could hear the audience and it's simply High 到极点. From then on I've been trying to find this feeling back, but there wasn't any chance as it seems. Am still hunting for it. :)

Army, don't really want to talk about it, I tried to become a pilot and failed at the interview stage until I wanted to cry my lungs out. So I ended up as an Air Defence Artillery Man. Sad..... I don't like the army. - enough said -

Currently, in life sciences majoring in biomedical science. Yes, back to the scientist part since primary 5. After so many years of studying science, science and more science, I mean... I thought I would like research, discovering new things, discovering ways to save mankind blah blah blah. But what I got from the doctors and professors were, "after studying XXX for 20 years", "to get a nobel prize..." and "you go to lab everyday and do the same thing over and over again" from a friend. These words weren't really encouraging especially when there's an ongoing forum about whether there's a future for life science graduates. I haven't got the chance to do any internship for any research and have not taken up any urops for the past two years. So, I still do not have a conclusion about what to expect in my field. That's why due to the lack of time and chance for me to do any research based modules or internship, I decide to give it a go at a chinese song writing competition to find back that feeling... Though I'm not really talented in that course, I just believe maybe it's worth a try? LOL

Okay, enough of this ultra long essay about myself. Hope you're satisfied (妳知道妳是谁啊, 哈哈) with my answer. :)

Anyway, I shall end off with what I said to you today,
Sometimes I'm not the one who know myself best
Current Aspiration
1. Scientist
2. Rock star (sounds cool instead of song writer, LOL)